


Scared

by rose_malmaison



Series: Promise [26]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, Kid - Freeform, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 03:36:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1673222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rose_malmaison/pseuds/rose_malmaison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony explains everything to Gibbs and some of it is not so good. Part 26 of the Promise series of 500-word drabbles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scared

**See notes** at the end when you're done **.  
**

< • >  < • > < • >

**Scared**

"Talk to me, Tony."

Tony nodded.

He was giving in too easily, thought Gibbs, beaten down by the sense of helplessness that comes with knowing you can't control your own body.

"I was on auto-pilot," Tony said in a quiet voice. "I left Nicky with the nanny and flew to Tokyo so I could get a direct flight to DC. I almost called Tim a dozen times from the airport."

"But you didn't," said Gibbs, trying to remain neutral.

"No. I called Brad instead. He said he'd expected me to call again. He explained everything. It was tough to hear, but he was really kind, you know?"

"He's a good man."

"The doctor back in Okinawa? I think he freaked out when he saw my scarred lungs on the x-rays. He's the one who told me I was pregnant. I had no idea, Jethro; I was on the pill. I guess I was so busy covering up the fact that my lungs weren't doing so good that I didn't…"

Gibbs wanted, very badly, to pull Tony into his arms, but he didn't.

"Brad explained he needed to do his own scans, but from what he'd seen…" Tony touched the right side of his chest. "This tumor's growing out of scar tissue. It's like a kid going through a growth spurt. It's pressing on my bronchial tube and when it infiltrates it…oh shit." He leaned forward, eyes squeezed closed, breathing hard.

Gibbs rubbed Tony's back, not knowing what else he could do, and Tony grabbed his free hand like it was a lifeline.

Tony leaned back, still holding onto Gibbs' hand, and said, his voice strained, "My lungs got really messed up by the plague, especially on the left side, so when they remove the right lobe, what used to be my _better_ side, my breathing capacity is gonna be 'substantially diminished.'" Tony laughed humorlessly. "That's medical lingo for gasping for air and being on oxygen for the rest of my life." He looked at Gibbs with haunted eyes. "The fetus is only _40 days old_ , Jethro. Add in all the risk factors, and going under anesthesia…chances of a miscarriage are high."

Gibbs grasped at straws. "Can this operation wait? Give the baby more time to grow?"

Tony shook his head. "The tumor's getting bigger every day, and by the time the fetus is more advanced, the airway'll be blocked. There won't be enough oxygen getting to the baby and…" Tony covered his eyes with a trembling hand. "This is so fucking _hard_."

Gibbs pulled Tony into his arms and murmured, "I know, I _know_ ," feeling powerless.

Tony spoke, his breath warm on Gibbs' chest. "I was going to tell Tim after the biopsy. Then I thought I'd wait until after the operation and save him from _knowing_. It's gonna hurt him so much, when… _if_ our baby dies. It's gonna kill him. I can't hurt him like that."

Gibbs had no answer, the pain in his own heart was too great.

< • > end < • >

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

>  **Really Long End Notes:** I hope this answers some of the questions that arise when so much isn't said (due to the brief, 500-word format or because I don't explain them in the story).  
>  Yes, Tony acted impulsively leaving Okinawa with only a note for his husband. He felt he had a good reason, and even if we ask 'what the hell was he thinking?' I believe that he was not acting entirely selfishly. I think he was running scared and didn't stop to think about the consequences of his actions.  
> Did he run directly to Gibbs? Not at all. He called Abby to pick him up after the biopsy, either to stay at her place or to go to a hotel. The meds they gave him made it difficult for Abby to handle him, and so she took him to Gibbs' place. Gibbs comforts him but he really is being a friend to Tony at this point.  
> Will Tim be able to get past the hurt and damage that Tony's terrible choices will cause? We'll see how that plays out. This is a WIP and I've changed my mind about the ending a few times after reading some of your comments, but now I have a pretty firm idea of how to end this story.  
> Does Tony still love Gibbs? Of course he does, but Tony has been married for three years now and he's changed during that time. Despite his (sometimes stupid) actions during this health crisis, Tony does truly love Tim and their life together. As he said a while ago, he just loves these two men differently.  
> If Tim separated from Tony over this, would Tony go to Gibbs? I don't think so. Or not immediately. We'd end up with three men who are hurt and lonely and even though that kind of tragic ending appeals to me, I don't plan to go that route. Who would want that?  
> Will Tony succumb to this illness? No. Nobody dies before their time. 
> 
> \- So…thanks to everyone for commenting. It's always interesting to read your (often quite fervent) points of view.
> 
> Feel free to email me at any time at: rose dot mal dot malmaison at gmail dot com.


End file.
